I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
