We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
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