you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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