Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
