So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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