He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
