Whod you bang
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
