I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
