Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
