I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
