took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
