Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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