I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
