i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize