look no pants
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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