he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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