when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize