There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
