Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
