I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
