you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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