This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
