My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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