id be glad to
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
