I will die if light touches me.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
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