hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
