Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
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