thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
