Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
