Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
PANTIES FOUND
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