I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
