Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
