I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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