Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I would fuck him just for his dog
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
