Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
