i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
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