Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
