I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Randomize