dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
