Are we in a gay sports bar?
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
