She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
