we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
