I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
