A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
