And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Watching her eat just hurts me
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
