I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
True strength comes from lack of pants
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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