I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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