We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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