I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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