3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize