I like my sex mixed with concussions.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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