i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
