is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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