I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
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