i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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