Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
