3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
so let's talk penis.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
