Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
