nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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