Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
God, I missed his penis.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
