lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
