I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
