You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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