I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
