Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
