i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
be right there i have to get my cape
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
