i just sent this text using only my big toe
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
