I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
