I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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