my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
